And So It Continues...

So once again, I did not get the job. It went to another who is older with more experience. This has been the trend...I am just too young with not enough experience. Funny thing is, I am not that young anymore. I may sometimes be mistaken for a high schooler (unfortunately this happens a lot), I may even have parents who question whether I am old enough to teach their children (again, this happens a lot), but the truth is I am inching ever closer to my late twenties. I know, I know, when I am in my forties I will love that fact that I look young, but right now I am just frustrated! You know it is a bad sign when the person you are interviewing with comments on how young you look...ugh! As for the experience thing, how in the world am I ever going to get it if I can't even get a job that will afford me the opportunity to build my skills?

So due to the wonderful economic crisis that we currently find this great country in, I am changing my career goals. I am going back to school! :) I am excited about the prospect of sitting in class again, writing papers, and taking tests. I know...I am weird, but I have always loved school. My ultimate goal has always been to teach music at a collegiate level, and in order to do that I need to obtain my masters degree and then start on the fun road to PHD...but for now Masters here I come! I am meeting with one of my favorite college professors next week to discuss grad schools and find out a little more information about the competing music programs in the area. He has his PHD, so he knows a little about the whole academic field. I am also starting up voice lessons again. I will have to audition to get in, and I am so excited about singing classical music again!

God has taken me on quite a journey these past few months. I pray that he will guide my steps and lead me in his path. Because, quite honestly, I have no idea which way to go.

Anger

an⋅ger

   /ˈæŋgər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ang-ger] Show IPA –noun

1.	a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

Do you see it as a positive, or a negative, a right, or a wrong. Anger is a feeling that for most of my life I have sought to deny, to omit, to pretend does not exist. I am now at 26 learning that it is OK, to get angry. Once a week I am meeting with my friend Michelle and we are currently in the process of studying the life of David.

He really is an interesting man, a man of passion, of strength, of sin, of struggle, and yet he is still called a man after God's own heart. David can get really angry, like scary angry, and yet God still loves him. Jesus while in the temple, became so angry that they were selling wares in his fathers house that he turned the tables over. God gets angry, and yet when I feel anger rising up, I stuff it and pretend that everything is fine, for anger to me has been wrong. If you are wondering why I am writing this, it is because right now, I am REALLY ANGRY...and it feels liberating. :)

Transplant

Its been a rough 2009...I need a life transplant

Let the Job Hunt Begin

I am currently looking for a new job, and not just any job, but a job that I might actually like. Oh and did I mention that this would be a job that I like AND pays well. I have experienced both, but never the combination. Maybe I am just an idealist, but I like to think that the two can somehow magically combine and I will actually be able to support myself by doing something that I enjoy. So far this has not been the case. I can either support myself while feeling like my soul is dying a tragic death in front of a computer screen, or I can live out my passion for music while begging on the streets for change.

My current job I love! I love my kiddos so much and hate the idea of not seeing them every week, however the whole being able to pay rent, put gas in my car and still manage to eat hasn't really been working out. My last job payed my bills, barely, but also at the same time just about gave me an ulcer from the 12 hour days and stressed out coworkers. And I think I might have actually lost some IQ points due to the monotony that took place every day. Pretty much a trained monkey could have done my job, wait...I take that back, just a regular monkey could have done it.

So here I am at a new and exciting crossroads (mixed in with a bit of fear...actually a lot of fear). I know what my ultimate career goal is, and that is to be a music and child therapist while teaching college part time. However, I have 3 years left until I complete the program and a year until I can even start. So in the meantime I need to find something to help pay the bills and put to good use the $100,000 piece of paper from APU that says I am a college grad. Let the job hunt begin!