Truth

I have a confession...I read Post Secret every Sunday. As I was reading today's entry I was struck by the fact that God can speak through any and all truth. My God is God who is so big that he is not bound to just one book, but can speak through all things because truth comes from God. I often wonder about the people who have never read the Bible, or the ones who do not even have the opportunity afforded to them. I think it is unfair and normally begin to question why God would allow such things. God is bigger than a book. Yes we should read it and study it and look to his word for direction, but there is comfort in knowing that my God is not bound and He still speaks!

Friends

This weekend rocked!!! I love my friends! :)

I am so thankful for each and everyone of you. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by life, I think about all of the amazing friends that God has blessed me with. My life may not look like what I would hope right now, but my friendships are more than I could ever ask for. Thank you Jesus for friends! :)

Stuck In The In Between

Do you ever feel like you are in a holding pattern, stuck somewhere in the in between. I feel like I have been stuck here for quite sometime. Waiting on God can be so tiring and to be honest, I am starting to lose my patience. I often wake up hoping that today will be the day that I will become unstuck, that things will finally change. If you read my blog, please pray for me. :)

Good Friday

He was perfect, a completely innocent man
Without one blemish on his soul
He was a King, he was THE King
Yet they did not see

They beat Him
They mocked Him
They spit on Him
They crucified Him

He was perfect, a completely innocent man
He could have stopped it
He could have changed it
And He chose not too

I beat Him
I mocked Him
I spit on Him
I crucified Him

He was perfect, a completely innocent man
He sacrificed his life for me, for you, for us
He took all our iniquities upon him
He died...

So that we might live

And So It Continues...

So once again, I did not get the job. It went to another who is older with more experience. This has been the trend...I am just too young with not enough experience. Funny thing is, I am not that young anymore. I may sometimes be mistaken for a high schooler (unfortunately this happens a lot), I may even have parents who question whether I am old enough to teach their children (again, this happens a lot), but the truth is I am inching ever closer to my late twenties. I know, I know, when I am in my forties I will love that fact that I look young, but right now I am just frustrated! You know it is a bad sign when the person you are interviewing with comments on how young you look...ugh! As for the experience thing, how in the world am I ever going to get it if I can't even get a job that will afford me the opportunity to build my skills?

So due to the wonderful economic crisis that we currently find this great country in, I am changing my career goals. I am going back to school! :) I am excited about the prospect of sitting in class again, writing papers, and taking tests. I know...I am weird, but I have always loved school. My ultimate goal has always been to teach music at a collegiate level, and in order to do that I need to obtain my masters degree and then start on the fun road to PHD...but for now Masters here I come! I am meeting with one of my favorite college professors next week to discuss grad schools and find out a little more information about the competing music programs in the area. He has his PHD, so he knows a little about the whole academic field. I am also starting up voice lessons again. I will have to audition to get in, and I am so excited about singing classical music again!

God has taken me on quite a journey these past few months. I pray that he will guide my steps and lead me in his path. Because, quite honestly, I have no idea which way to go.

Anger

an⋅ger

   /ˈæŋgər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ang-ger] Show IPA –noun

1.	a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

Do you see it as a positive, or a negative, a right, or a wrong. Anger is a feeling that for most of my life I have sought to deny, to omit, to pretend does not exist. I am now at 26 learning that it is OK, to get angry. Once a week I am meeting with my friend Michelle and we are currently in the process of studying the life of David.

He really is an interesting man, a man of passion, of strength, of sin, of struggle, and yet he is still called a man after God's own heart. David can get really angry, like scary angry, and yet God still loves him. Jesus while in the temple, became so angry that they were selling wares in his fathers house that he turned the tables over. God gets angry, and yet when I feel anger rising up, I stuff it and pretend that everything is fine, for anger to me has been wrong. If you are wondering why I am writing this, it is because right now, I am REALLY ANGRY...and it feels liberating. :)

Michelle Does California...Day 3

Day 3...and what a day it was. I know some of you might be a little shocked by this next post, but honestly, I haven't lost my mind...I promise! So for awhile now I have wanted to get a tattoo. Again I know how this sounds, like some sort of rebellious act, I promise you it is not that at all. So when I found out that Michelle was for sure coming down to visit me, I knew I had to seize the moment and just do it, after all she is the only one I would ever want to do this with. I mean we have been friends for 19 years...wow that makes me feel old. We have had a lot of firsts, the first time I drove solo, I drove to her house, we graduated 6th, 8th, and 12th grade together. We have seen each other through a lot. So that afternoon we went to OC Tattoo.

Michelle got three small symbols on her left wrist...a cross (for her faith), the roman numeral V (for the 5 members of her family), and a star (she needed one more to balance it out ;) )

I got a treble cleff with Psalm 33:3-4 written underneath it on the upper back part of my neck. Now let me explain myself before you all start freaking out. For those of you who know me well, you know that I have had a pretty rough year. This rough year has led me to do a lot of praying and more importantly a lot of listening to what God wants to teach me through these many trials. As many of you know, I have my bachelors degree in music, what many of you don't know is that I chose music over journalism (I was a double major) after a pretty awesome encounter with God.

I was in church, feeling so much inner turmoil because I knew I needed to drop one of my majors, otherwise I was going to be in school for about 8 years. I had no idea which one to drop, journalism at the time was practical, and my parents were strong advocates of that, while music was a risk. This moment in church was the first time that I distinctly heard God's voice and he said..."Kristin, trust me with your music". That day I came home and wrote my first song, funny thing is, I had been trying to write for years and couldn't, the minutes I released control and had faith in God and his calling on my life it came so naturally, as if God spoke directly through me in song. It was so special.

While at APU I went full throttle with my music, I honed my craft and wrote a lot of songs. And then I graduated. Not only did i get a degree upon completion, but also a massive amount of fear, binding fear. I stopped doing music, I stopped writing, I stopped singing, I stopped playing the piano, I hid everything that I wrote in a notebook and tucked it away, basically I stopped trusting God completely. Instead I put my faith and trust in myself and what was safe and easy. I got a job in advertising, it was a cool job, I worked on entertainment accounts like CBS and Showtime. Cool parties, cool people, awesome job...I hated it, every minute of it. I felt like a part of my soul was dying, and I dint know why.

So I quit and got a job teaching music, I started playing the piano again, but I still didn't sing, I didn't write, I kept that notebook locked up. A few months back I was praying and asking God to pretty much change my life, because I know that I am not where I am supposed to be. He showed my that I have been Jonah for the past 3 years, running as hard as I can from anything that he has called me to do. RUNNING. And more importantly that not only have I not trusted Him with my music, but I have not been trusting Him with my life, instead I have been trusting myself...no wonder I am so stressed out all the time. :)

In the Old Testament when God would show himself to his people they would build an altar to remind them of what God had done for them. The first altar Abraham built was an altar that resulted from an encounter with God Genesis 12:7, “Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, ‘To your descendants I will give this land.’ And there he built an altar to the Lord, who had appeared to him.” Well, this tattoo is my alter. It is my constant reminder that I have made a decision to not only trust Him, but to believe Him as well, with all of me, to "trust him with my music".

Psalm 33:3-4 "Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully and shout for joy. For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."

And what is it that you do after you get tattoos...Well of course you get Jamba Juice and thin mint girl scout cookies. After that we went and checked out Balboa Island, which is SO cute. That was my first time there, and I will definitely go back again soon. It is only 20 minutes from where I live. So fun!

I know this is really LONG post...so thanks for reading! :)

Rachyl's Getting Married

This last weekend I helped my dear friend Rachyl try on wedding dresses for her upcoming wedding in November. It was just Rachyl, her mom, and I at this cute little boutique in Orange. (This picture of us is really old, it is from choir tour in 2003). I love this girl, she has been one of my best friends over the past 7 years that I have lived in Southern California. I will always remember the first time I met Rachyl, I was walking into choir, and I didn't know anyone, still just the new kid on the block. She came up to me in the hall way of the music building and said..."You're Kristin right...I'm Rachyl." with a huge smile on her face. I knew from that point on that we would be great friends. And on top of being friends we have also been roommates, and will be roommates again in these last few months leading up to her wedding! I am so excited to have her moving in here with me and getting to spend these last few months with her before she gets married.

The point of the post is not just about Rachyl getting married, but also about weddings in general. As Rachyl's mom and I sat and waited as Rachyl tried on beautiful dress after beautiful dress, we started talking about weddings. This is going to be my 5th time being a bridesmaid, and like my 15th (This is not an exaggeration...it really has been quite a few) or so weddings that I have played some part in, whether it be as the guestbook/present girl, or doing the hair and makeup for the bride and bridesmaids. She asked me if it is hard having most of my friends married, and myself being so far from that. I have been thinking of that for quite some time...is it hard, how do I really feel about that?

If I am honest, I miss the days when we were all single and it just took a few minutes to call up my friends and in a short while I'd be spending time with them. Now it has become a multiple week process to figure out when their schedules and mine line up, checking in with the husbands, works schedules, and such. Not to mention that since they have gotten married, most have moved away. I mean, they are no longer 10 minutes away or living in the next room. So the answer is...I miss them, but it is not hard. I am actually quite happy that I am not married yet, to be honest, I am just not ready. Do I wish that they were still single, in my selfish times...yes, but I do not wish that I was married right now...no. So in honor of all the weddings that I have attended and to those where I could not make it, but wanted so desperately to be there here is an ode to you and all the wonderful people that you all ended up with. I Love you all!

(Some photos were borrowed off of my wonderful friends facebooks. :)...Thanks for the loan)

The Big Move

Life is crazy and everything is changing. I was in New York, and then traveled to Portland, and now I am moving out of my beautiful apartment. Kelsey and I officially gave our notice and as of November 16 we will no longer be residents of the "nuthouse". Kelsey is moving to Greece and I am well...not really sure yet. :) Its overwhelming, exciting, and terribly nerve racking all at the same time. It is comforting to know that God has it all figured out, I just wish He would let me in on the plan. So if I vanish in the next month or so, you know why. Oh and I am also studying for the GRE...good thing since I have recently discovered that I have forgotten everything I ever learned about math!

Let the Job Hunt Begin

I am currently looking for a new job, and not just any job, but a job that I might actually like. Oh and did I mention that this would be a job that I like AND pays well. I have experienced both, but never the combination. Maybe I am just an idealist, but I like to think that the two can somehow magically combine and I will actually be able to support myself by doing something that I enjoy. So far this has not been the case. I can either support myself while feeling like my soul is dying a tragic death in front of a computer screen, or I can live out my passion for music while begging on the streets for change.

My current job I love! I love my kiddos so much and hate the idea of not seeing them every week, however the whole being able to pay rent, put gas in my car and still manage to eat hasn't really been working out. My last job payed my bills, barely, but also at the same time just about gave me an ulcer from the 12 hour days and stressed out coworkers. And I think I might have actually lost some IQ points due to the monotony that took place every day. Pretty much a trained monkey could have done my job, wait...I take that back, just a regular monkey could have done it.

So here I am at a new and exciting crossroads (mixed in with a bit of fear...actually a lot of fear). I know what my ultimate career goal is, and that is to be a music and child therapist while teaching college part time. However, I have 3 years left until I complete the program and a year until I can even start. So in the meantime I need to find something to help pay the bills and put to good use the $100,000 piece of paper from APU that says I am a college grad. Let the job hunt begin!

Home Alone

Kelsey, my roommate, has been gone all week visiting her family in Seattle. Which means I have been living all by myself this week. I hate it. I always knew that I didn't like life by myself, but I tend to forget and think how living without a roommate might be kind of nice. Its not nice, it is rather boring. I miss coming home and watching TLC with her and having our Saturday morning lounge sessions. Kelsey come home, I miss you! :)

This week is also a reminder that she is going to be moving soon to Greece, and that I will have to figure out where to live and who to live with all over again. I love my roommate and I love our apartment...its a girls apartment... all cute and matching, each room with its own color scheme. This seems to always be the case, that just when I get comfortable God decides its time to mix things up again. I have lived in this apartment and with Kelsey the longest of any place since I left home for college. I have to admit, I have really enjoyed the stability of not having to find a new place to live every 9 months or so, or finding someone else to live with.

I am really good at living in denial and I have been able to push aside the fact that my comfy little life is coming to end and that a new adventure is about to begin. Honestly, I'm a little scared. :)